Why does everything feel so performative

Hey friends,

In the last few years, authenticity has been held up as an ideal online. Be real. Be honest. Show up as yourself.

And yet, somewhere along the way, that ideal started to feel harder to access. Not because people stopped caring about sincerity, but because so much of that sincerity now unfolds in front of an audience, where even being real can begin to feel like a performance.

It’s easy to slip into judgment when we notice this. But what if performance isn’t a moral failure? What if it’s something we’ve quietly learned by living inside environments that are always watching, measuring, and responding?

These are some of the questions we explore this week on the pod.

In this week’s Double Tap episode, Tori leads an interview with Matt Klein, a culture writer and consumer insights strategist whose work examines how digital systems shape behavior, identity, and modern relationships.

This conversation explores what happens when relationships move onto public stages and authenticity unfolds in front of an audience. Matt shares how performance becomes a learned response in digital environments, why so many interactions feel reactive rather than relational, and how understanding the systems we live inside can bring relief, clarity, and agency without asking us to opt out entirely.

Together, we explore:

💭 how authenticity shifts when it unfolds in public
🧠 why performance becomes a learned response online
📊 how visibility, metrics, and audience awareness shape behavior
🌿 why more people are reaching for analog ways to re ground

This is a grounding, clarifying conversation for anyone who feels the subtle pressure to always be “on” online, and for anyone noticing how much effort it can take to stay present, regulated, and connected inside digital environments.

🎧 Listen here →

Friendly reminder to share, rate, or forward the pod to a friend!

A few things that have been helping us slow down and feel a little more like ourselves lately:

📚 Read (Tori): Eating at Home by Trinity Mouzon

My dear friend Trinity’s book is finally alive and I couldn’t be more excited. I tested a few of her salad recipes and they’ve already changed how I cook week to week. More intuition, more play, flavors I wouldn’t have reached for. As a chef’s daughter and lifelong home cook, this sparks real joy.

🎧 Listen (Olivia): halfwaythru by Chelsea Jordan

If Olivia Dean has you in the same ‘lover girl’ chokehold that I’ve been in, I highly recommend adding this song to your rotation.

🎬 Watch (Tori): Chef’s Table: Legends

José Andrés’ episode reminded me how much I admire people who lead with generosity, conviction, and zest for life. I’m especially excited for Alice Waters’ episode. Her work bringing farm to table into schools feels like a genuine bright spot for our collective future.

⚡️ Try (Olivia): An Expander List

With goal setting and vision boarding everywhere right now, one practice I keep coming back to is creating an expander list, something I learned through the To Be Magnetic program. It’s a simple way to challenge the quiet belief that what you want isn’t possible for you by collecting real examples of people who have already done the thing you’re dreaming about, whether that’s finding love later in life, changing careers, or going back to school. It takes vision boarding out of fantasy and roots it in proof, gently expanding what feels available.

Take care,
Tori & Olivia